I have come to realize that my life, as I know it, is crumbling. There is an earthquake occurring in my life right now and everything is being shaken to its foundation. Not that every building is crashing, but somehow you tend to only notice those that are. Now, I have to say at first when these “buildings” started crashing around me I immediately thought it was warfare as a result of taking a major step of obedience. Really, my first major step of obedience. But as I looked at the bigger picture today, stepping back to surveillance the damage all around me, I realized that although it is warfare, it is also God allowing all of this to transgress simultaneously. He is definitely stretching me and bringing me to my knees as I am not strong enough to handle all of this on my own.
It’s like these buildings collapsing have revealed a crossroads in my life. A fork in the road. Initially, I thought there were three possible paths because the world trains us to think in black, white and that there is also a grey area. I tend to think grey. I tend to try to blend the black choice and the white choice to suit what is comfortable or safest for me. But there really aren’t three options in my scenario. There is only stepping out in faith and obedience or disobey and stay stagnant.
“And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus.” Matthew 14:29 KJV
Peter had the choice to stay on the boat or step out and walk to Jesus, in faith and obedience. There was no option to step out of the boat but hold on to the boat, like a handrail, while walking to Jesus. No, he had to step boldly. He had to trust Jesus with every fiber of his being and walk by faith.
Corrie Ten Boom, a Dutch Christian Holocaust survivor who aided in the escape of many Jews, said “Faith sees the invisible, believes the unbelievable, and receives the impossible.”
“But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” Matthew 14:30-31 ESV
This completely explains my grey area. My grey area of trying to choose both the white and the black is my doubt. Not being bold enough to choose white and yet knowing black is disobedience. And yet until now I never took the time to examine why I would sink. Why I would then need rescuing. But it is because of my doubt and my failure to step boldly in faith that would lead to my feeling alone and helpless. It is only because of His love for us that He reaches out his hand when we are sinking because of our own sin. He teaches me with such grace and love when really I deserve harsh reprehension and rebuking.
And, of course it is only by His allowing demolition into my life that will then make it possible for His rebuilding.