It seems like I see more clearly here. It’s as if I am able to focus here, like things are so simple. Today I played with a child as they played with a plastic shopping bag with a string tied to the handle, as if it were a kite. Maybe because I am less busy, but I can revel in moments here. Hearing a Twombly little say “Si, me comprendo” when told something in English. Sitting in a protection center with a child, as they cuddle into my arm. A smile, a laugh, a hug. I’m sure there are little moments, like these, that pass by when I am home, when I have a list of things to accomplish and it feels like time is of the essence. Life is too short to miss moments like these. I do not want to be nearing the end of my time on earth, regretting that I was so overly busy that I missed out on important things in life. I can accomplish a list of tasks by the end of the day, but what good is it if I ignored or passed by someone that needed a hug, a smile, or just to feel that they aren’t invisible. Someone that needed to feel that they matter.
While at the center of protection today, and waiting for the child I had been spending time with to return, I sat down at an empty table. A girl, who appeared to be doing homework, that had been sitting at the next table over got up, picked up her books and moved to my table and continued working on her homework. We never had a conversation, just exchanged smiles, due to the language barrier. I admired her boldness, vulnerability, and transparency that she didn’t want to sit alone. As the first child returned and sat down, another joined us as well and the table was now full. It was humbling to think about how we could not even converse, but they wanted to spend time with me nonetheless. Just being together outweighed the limitations.
So many times at home, I easily give up on things that seem too hard, the limitations too much, or the risk too high. I avoid being vulnerable or transparent. I avoid looking most people in the eye, nevermind exchanging smiles. I am not bold. I complicate and analyze everything. I talk myself out of doing things outside of my comfort zone. My priorities are skewed, and need to be reprioritized. People are always more important, more valuable. Always.